down in a hole...

down in a hole , feeling so small....
Layne Staley's voice echoes in my head , and i feel mortal , surrounded by everything mortal and whatever.its bad , there is no one here in this place whom i can go and talk to at any time , about any FUCKING THING , ANYTHING AT ALL MAN.anything at all. i am FUCKING alone here , confined to my new BEAUTIFUL self , living my new childhood all alone :) , finding myself , but i really wish i had other children to play with . i know that i am happy being alone , allowing all the pristine thoughts through , but sometimes i need someone to talk to ; sit and talk to , when i want to or whenever they want to , maybe it is a bit demanding but its ok man ; someone to just jump out from behind a bush and scare the living daylights out of me , and the likes.i guess that is being mortal , and i like the feeling of being vulnerable , makes me want to go to stronger , as stronger is a place .and i want to just walk up to anyone and start talking ;the catch , i know this place and they know me , in their own ways.they don't know me , how i know myself now , not how i knew myself before.i need an outlet , so i smoke and listen to music and practice , whatever little bit and it gives me a positive vibe a reason to move on , and i am happy. i don't care about the health aspects , at least i don't feel lonely when i am high , and when i am all musical( otherwise too , nowadays music flows like time ), i have my own versions of ," tweety tweety tweety " expressed in various forms.but i still wonder , how is it that , i somehow always manage to end up alone , everywhere i go , the past-perfect included , contrary to common perception , even though i know a lot of people and i am a people person.i think i know the reason to that. ah well , i hate it but i am all alone , lonely and sitting in my room , confined within these walls , and this sound of silence is like 100 watt amplifiers ringing in my head and after even being switched off the buzzing remains , shaking everything inside and i cant fucking see clearly.but i can handle that , if from a any corner i hear , a caressing whisper from someone saying , " hello :) im here and there " , and i would give anything , life being secondary now.i know this feeling of solitude and loneliness will come to pass like everything , but right now i cant balance my mortal skate , damn. so i force a smile , suck it all up and say bitterly to myself , in a very ironic flavour tinged with hope , " view life in a new perspective every-time man. "