Thursday, August 11, 2011
come through to me.
many a time we walked through blue ,
few stones we stepped on were new ,
a distant home we built for two ,
dear , why did you do cease to come through ?
raging winds we fought and grew ,
rain and hail we stood them through ,
a beautiful life filtered in residue ,
dear , why did you cease to come through ?
on the shores we sat and drew ,
castles of sand we built anew ,
seagulls soared and waved to us two ,
dear , why did you cease to come through ?
memories of us still linger in dew ,
from first of touch to last rue ,
all the dreams weft to brew ,
dear , why did you cease to come through ?
and...
now, as you're going away to rest ,
i forever will remain grief's guest ,
so ,let me join you in this quest ,
dear , let me tread this path onto you .
and ,shades of colours once bright ,
now are ambient strains of plight ,
so , let me stay under your sight ,
dear, let me be your shadow for true.
and, seasons no longer change vests ,
as our home forever awaits your a-dress ,
so, let me cross this boundary of flesh ,
Dear , let me come through to you ,thence....
After-Rest
i come here to live this time , but
my mind beckons to a distant chime ,
a prisoner of this malign disease ,
when will i come to a new release ?
" i have had enough of myself ,
i am going to rid it. "
i sit and listen in all my might , as
my mind feeds fables from lost nights ,
a passing whim i thought would cease ,
when will i read from a new leaf ?
"i have had enough of myself ,
i am going to rid it."
i smile at the ageing of time , as
my mind basks in the greying lines ,
a life-like thesis in living hands ,
when will i truly cross this crease ?
"i have had enough of myself ,
i am going to rid it."
and ,as i take my last forced breaths ,
a reason i find to end this test , as
a voice in rapture i hear which says ,
a happy journey awaits me , after rest ?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Not Again.
i feel weak and powerless , in this prison that i made for myself.when will its doors open? i dont know.by a conscious choice i make ? but what is conscience ? a once budding flower , now a wilted scene in this frozen time.
# i dont want to stay like this.but i know why this is happening.this vicious cycle , i created.so be it. #
Do i look up now and cry to what i see above ? do i drink from my glass of water ? do i reach out to anything at all ? the insanity of my mind , self imposed by lack of self-esteem , numbs all reactions. Dense is my head- says my conscience.
# i shouldnt be listening to this.I know he is making it all up #
Never-mind.Never-mine. Blind me .
# i dont want to stay like this.but i know why this is happening.this vicious cycle , i created.so be it. #
Do i look up now and cry to what i see above ? do i drink from my glass of water ? do i reach out to anything at all ? the insanity of my mind , self imposed by lack of self-esteem , numbs all reactions. Dense is my head- says my conscience.
# i shouldnt be listening to this.I know he is making it all up #
Never-mind.Never-mine. Blind me .
Monday, May 9, 2011
Motion Realization.
Look around you creature , how everything is moving , and
do same without restrain , to release the confines ,
of your mind the epicenter , to reveal beauty bound ,
everywhere , You Beautiful Creature .
Show everyone for them , why the move so essential , as
to rise and soar beyond , the grasp of sound waves ,
of blood running inside , touching your every corner ,
echo out , You Beautiful Creature .
Fly smiling in winds blowing , with currents backward , to
realize sweet drag etched over , enclosing all in right ,
of this whole being to aid , the sweet glide through ages ,
hot and cold , You Beautiful Creature.
And after all everything moves ,
with time , never so constant , in
parallel worlds of infinites , where ,
You and Them are present changes .
So move , you beautiful creature .
So move their ' being' with you ,
So move , You Beautiful Creature .
do same without restrain , to release the confines ,
of your mind the epicenter , to reveal beauty bound ,
everywhere , You Beautiful Creature .
Show everyone for them , why the move so essential , as
to rise and soar beyond , the grasp of sound waves ,
of blood running inside , touching your every corner ,
echo out , You Beautiful Creature .
Fly smiling in winds blowing , with currents backward , to
realize sweet drag etched over , enclosing all in right ,
of this whole being to aid , the sweet glide through ages ,
hot and cold , You Beautiful Creature.
And after all everything moves ,
with time , never so constant , in
parallel worlds of infinites , where ,
You and Them are present changes .
So move , you beautiful creature .
So move their ' being' with you ,
So move , You Beautiful Creature .
an ode to night-outs.
roll your way , as the night downs ,
just to get up , as the dawn frowns .
- To Nicky and Rg
just to get up , as the dawn frowns .
- To Nicky and Rg
the beginning.
oh ! so sweet the freedom , as i let in the air ,
shrouded by dew drops , twinkles in my glare ,
caressing the distant smile , how i beg to dare .
shrouded by dew drops , twinkles in my glare ,
caressing the distant smile , how i beg to dare .
Sometimes.
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that helpless state ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that clueless hate ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that hapless fate ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that faceless gaze ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that useless waste ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that unwilling haste ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that merciless taste ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that mockery daze ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that unknown slate ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that morbid rage ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be at that mortal gate .....
But
Sometimes , its just there , to be there , to know the right state ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be there , to ignite your latent self ,
to show the way and fly away , to the light , always there .
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that clueless hate ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that hapless fate ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that faceless gaze ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that useless waste ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that unwilling haste ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that merciless taste ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that mockery daze ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that unknown slate ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be in that morbid rage ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be at that mortal gate .....
But
Sometimes , its just there , to be there , to know the right state ,
Sometimes , its just there , to be there , to ignite your latent self ,
to show the way and fly away , to the light , always there .
Friday, May 6, 2011
circles , i love them .
Everything is an illusion and everything is connected.i do not want to be mortal in any form again.then how do i escape this circle of life ? i dont have a fucking answer. maybe someday , i will as i am just walking by that familiar store , or just standing and looking around here and there . i know it doesnt end after we die. fucking circles. i want to find a way to escape this circle and feel connected enough to watch the movements in and around it. everything is so beautiful as long as you dont assign a reason or purpose to it.same applies to life.you dont assign a purpose to your life , cause if you follow the dots and connect them , using the right mix of impulsivity and logic , you will go where you have to . maybe then this circle of life can be escaped . i know what i have to do , standing or sitting . i think i can go around this bush for quite sometime.but i press the stop button in my head , which then says ,
tweety tweety tweety !
tweety tweety tweety !
The Voice.
As i snap my fingers hanging , in yesterdays moment , to drive out the mist spread in patches , there in my greenery so vivid ,
To gaze and cut the strings , which hold back the soaring creature , the feature of my near future , projected in one colour ,
Waiting in its shell of viewed depravity , so aware of-the-sweet-infested-could-be reality ,
I rise against , but...
The voice says , " Zone out of there. Come here to me. I wait for you , in all of time , with glory. "
Closely following the tracks imprinted , in yesterdays soil , i walk out into the mirror beneath me , watching the soles reflect ,
A refrain in that jist of the wind , now blowing by across the moving creature , pushing the inners of its cozy shell to crack ,
Catching a glimpse , of the waiting outside , to reeling in sensation-of-feeling-the-beautiful clarity ,
I rise against , but...
The voice says , " Zone out of there. come here to me. I wait for you , in all of time , with glory. "
As i try and clear the space out , in yesterdays time , to make way for potential well filled with infinity , my boat to sail away ,
The medium responds blithely , pitching in with the creature , happy little winged fire-flier , erupting genuinely , transcending circles ,
Patiently dishing out , all imagined perfection , for the would-be-exotic-sensation-fraught presence ,
i rise against , but...
The voice says , " Zone out of there. Come here to me. I wait for you , in all of time , with glory. "
Then , in a momentary occurrence of reality ,
Somelight hits me , through the shadowy patches of my greenery ,
and i sense the aroma of what's coming to be ,
and i take what is required , to release the noose .
But poetic breakdowns inside me start to spiral , as the voice resonates ,
and the symphony of yesterdays hit me , hell , I thoughtlessly tie the noose ,
killing the feature , and the story to be told.
Now , the voice says , " Give in to me . I wait for you , in all of time , with glory . "
and , i inhale the past air ,
and , i flail my arms ,
And i give in , to this burst of me ,
happily.
To gaze and cut the strings , which hold back the soaring creature , the feature of my near future , projected in one colour ,
Waiting in its shell of viewed depravity , so aware of-the-sweet-infested-could-be reality ,
I rise against , but...
The voice says , " Zone out of there. Come here to me. I wait for you , in all of time , with glory. "
Closely following the tracks imprinted , in yesterdays soil , i walk out into the mirror beneath me , watching the soles reflect ,
A refrain in that jist of the wind , now blowing by across the moving creature , pushing the inners of its cozy shell to crack ,
Catching a glimpse , of the waiting outside , to reeling in sensation-of-feeling-the-beautiful clarity ,
I rise against , but...
The voice says , " Zone out of there. come here to me. I wait for you , in all of time , with glory. "
As i try and clear the space out , in yesterdays time , to make way for potential well filled with infinity , my boat to sail away ,
The medium responds blithely , pitching in with the creature , happy little winged fire-flier , erupting genuinely , transcending circles ,
Patiently dishing out , all imagined perfection , for the would-be-exotic-sensation-fraught presence ,
i rise against , but...
The voice says , " Zone out of there. Come here to me. I wait for you , in all of time , with glory. "
Then , in a momentary occurrence of reality ,
Somelight hits me , through the shadowy patches of my greenery ,
and i sense the aroma of what's coming to be ,
and i take what is required , to release the noose .
But poetic breakdowns inside me start to spiral , as the voice resonates ,
and the symphony of yesterdays hit me , hell , I thoughtlessly tie the noose ,
killing the feature , and the story to be told.
Now , the voice says , " Give in to me . I wait for you , in all of time , with glory . "
and , i inhale the past air ,
and , i flail my arms ,
And i give in , to this burst of me ,
happily.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
One last time.
As i am dying while still alive , the blood coagulates while running inside ,
and i feel the hands of distorted emotions , encompass my entire physical presence,
limiting its freedom and that of mind , cutting the wings of hope , as it flies by.
My solitude now is alone inside this me , waiting for an escape to the outside ,
to throng among smiles and veils alike , and to be held by forces unknown , yet ,
comforting to this sordid liasion , the only getaway which comes running , always .
Lost in the hope of death-destination , i embrace the feeling of ceasing to exist ,
to feel at peace with my friend here , and everything involuntary is easier now ,
so small and so big are the divisions , in this voluntary repose of my vain being .
i stand inside my head , look at me , one last time ,
and jump into the never-more and never-less , while already dead....
and i feel the hands of distorted emotions , encompass my entire physical presence,
limiting its freedom and that of mind , cutting the wings of hope , as it flies by.
My solitude now is alone inside this me , waiting for an escape to the outside ,
to throng among smiles and veils alike , and to be held by forces unknown , yet ,
comforting to this sordid liasion , the only getaway which comes running , always .
Lost in the hope of death-destination , i embrace the feeling of ceasing to exist ,
to feel at peace with my friend here , and everything involuntary is easier now ,
so small and so big are the divisions , in this voluntary repose of my vain being .
i stand inside my head , look at me , one last time ,
and jump into the never-more and never-less , while already dead....
i waited..
Waiting in the once upon a time , pushing my head beneath the present-continuous ,
Seeking out the long gone by's , circling around the same dear-drop memory ,
justifying my sweet backward flight , i watch as the one-me smiles at the other ,
while running with the leash of the past , espousing the standing ovation not received ,
hearing the wind crying by, like the time flying past ,
one-me shrugged at the other , and..
i waited in the once upon a time , for a long , long time.
i waited in the once upon a time , for the better past.
i waited in the once upon a time , for a long , long time.
i waited in the once upon a time , for the better past.
Seeking out the long gone by's , circling around the same dear-drop memory ,
justifying my sweet backward flight , i watch as the one-me smiles at the other ,
while running with the leash of the past , espousing the standing ovation not received ,
hearing the wind crying by, like the time flying past ,
one-me shrugged at the other , and..
i waited in the once upon a time , for a long , long time.
i waited in the once upon a time , for the better past.
i waited in the once upon a time , for a long , long time.
i waited in the once upon a time , for the better past.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
why ?
why do i travel back , to there ?
i know memory is an ocean , and bouncing on one spot reverently ,
i cast a spell on me , cursing this mortal self to bob up and down ,
in reminisce , to watch the sun rise in my eyes , feel white light ,
knowing all the while , the heavy sinking sensation of living behind.
i know memory is an ocean , and bouncing on one spot reverently ,
i cast a spell on me , cursing this mortal self to bob up and down ,
in reminisce , to watch the sun rise in my eyes , feel white light ,
knowing all the while , the heavy sinking sensation of living behind.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
...
i look up and the moon is present , in its place of time ,
the clouds making still faces and , though the wind blows ,
there's a star somewhere near there , shimmering through to ,
a not another present-in-time star , veiled by the variety facades of space ,
and i long to complete the triangle , so viewed by me , if it was present ,
to believe in shapes and sizes all and , like hidden desires of the wishing well ,
to believe in beauty lying beyond and , like the ordination of galaxies in score ,
to believe in the coming awake of truth , like the illusion connected forever .
the clouds making still faces and , though the wind blows ,
there's a star somewhere near there , shimmering through to ,
a not another present-in-time star , veiled by the variety facades of space ,
and i long to complete the triangle , so viewed by me , if it was present ,
to believe in shapes and sizes all and , like hidden desires of the wishing well ,
to believe in beauty lying beyond and , like the ordination of galaxies in score ,
to believe in the coming awake of truth , like the illusion connected forever .
Saturday, April 16, 2011
oh its there.
i have it.so does my-ipod.self destruction is omnipresent.talk of pulling the right strings , at the same time , make the smoke solid.not possible.in your head yes.above it.yes.beyond it yes.when you are mortal.no
i dont feel like saying " tweety tweety tweety " but i will as i push the tweet button in my head.
Tweety Tweety Tweety
i dont feel like saying " tweety tweety tweety " but i will as i push the tweet button in my head.
Tweety Tweety Tweety
Friday, April 15, 2011
...
finally the middle transition is complete . and i shall phew! now. the division bell ringing , and i fucking want to take off on a tangent . hehe . talk of - high hopes . Pink Floyd.Period.
tweety tweety tweety :)
tweety tweety tweety :)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
which colour ??
i love green.and i love black.and i love white.actually i love all colours.but , when you are off-colour , there always is a colour which will pull the strings in the opposite direction.bright light.white light.light.split it and then mix it to get different shades and tones to suit your temperament.yes , very tendencious , but its ok.now i go and choose my colour of the moment.
Tweety Tweety Tweety !
Tweety Tweety Tweety !
Friday, April 8, 2011
Cause you are inside.
Cause you are Inside....
VERSE 1 )
I'll make you feel the freedom , as I breathe in your air and fly by your side ,
I'll make you shine like a-star , as I become your stellar facade and hang by your side ,
i'll male you smile like a-flower , as i take in the light and reflect your hide ,
I'll make you a euphonious river , as i bank on the sides and travel your delicate lines .
CHORUS
{
You are the exotic blue sight , which dirves me to ride ,
You are the incense which lingers , in the echoes of my time,
you are the language which exists , in the tongue of my rhyme ,
You are the complete form forever , in the presence of my life..
I'll Hold you , no matter what .
I'll hold you , when or not in sight .
I'll hold you , when colours deprive .
I'll hold you , Cause you are inside..
}
Verse 2)
I'll make you taste the courage , as i aid the friction and walk in your stride ,
I'll make you see the truth , as i roll the dice and become your carpet sky ,
I'll make you touch the fears , as i blow out the tears and stand by your side ,
I'll make you divine complete , as i journey a smile and take your mortal side.
CHORUS
{
You are the exotic blue sight , which drives me to ride ,
You are the incense which lingers , in the echoes of my time,
you are the language which exists , in the tongue of my rhyme ,
You are the complete form forever , in the presence of my life..
I'll Hold you , no matter what .
I'll hold you , when or not in sight .
I'll hold you , when colours deprive .
I'll hold you , Cause you are inside..
}
VERSE 1 )
I'll make you feel the freedom , as I breathe in your air and fly by your side ,
I'll make you shine like a-star , as I become your stellar facade and hang by your side ,
i'll male you smile like a-flower , as i take in the light and reflect your hide ,
I'll make you a euphonious river , as i bank on the sides and travel your delicate lines .
CHORUS
{
You are the exotic blue sight , which dirves me to ride ,
You are the incense which lingers , in the echoes of my time,
you are the language which exists , in the tongue of my rhyme ,
You are the complete form forever , in the presence of my life..
I'll Hold you , no matter what .
I'll hold you , when or not in sight .
I'll hold you , when colours deprive .
I'll hold you , Cause you are inside..
}
Verse 2)
I'll make you taste the courage , as i aid the friction and walk in your stride ,
I'll make you see the truth , as i roll the dice and become your carpet sky ,
I'll make you touch the fears , as i blow out the tears and stand by your side ,
I'll make you divine complete , as i journey a smile and take your mortal side.
CHORUS
{
You are the exotic blue sight , which drives me to ride ,
You are the incense which lingers , in the echoes of my time,
you are the language which exists , in the tongue of my rhyme ,
You are the complete form forever , in the presence of my life..
I'll Hold you , no matter what .
I'll hold you , when or not in sight .
I'll hold you , when colours deprive .
I'll hold you , Cause you are inside..
}
Thursday, March 31, 2011
nananana...
i am all happy , in here , outside my zone , unfucked by everything.ahh ! what a feeling it is ;consciousness is a curse , which binds you strongly to the ground like the roots of a tree.and so is its accompanying realization. " Tweety Tweety Tweety " . Life still is beautiful , living with the consciousness ,but letting time and space in there , is the right thing to do. staying outside the zone , to taste the cream is , err , un-tweetyish.so i ll try and stay in the zone , hope the greenery doesnt get a grip over my gray zones.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Titled as untitled disgrace...
Thought-streak marks 'there' , intangible delights of my sensory serenity , glowing in the dark ,
Embalmed in cold smiles , willing to spark , to take a walk and pass the hours ,
But 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.
Strong grey post knockers , misinformed protestors marching , into the sensory serenity ,
Goaded by the false prick , into temporary harmers , causing disaster, etched forever , if ,
shores of the boundaries , in 'there' drift in purple , now be the disciple , so humble ,
But there is 'the' master , inside the disaster , called out the little inner.
And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,
Cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said ,
" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,
knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."
Help conveniently , to , darkening the bleak deliverance , so told and believed , with borrowed colours ,
For tears of freedom , that could be , my sensory serenity falls , in daily chores of divine heresy,
But 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.
Hold the depths of frozen winds , blowing inside , suitably modified ,my sensory serenity ,
Has the black night as it smiles gaily , defying inner notion , so calm and desultory .
Taking in the voiceover , flat contours and hills , of the labyrinth built unkowingly , so serenely being discreet ,
In beautiful rivers of Pristine waters , look , mismatched is the sustaining laguhter, in the remote corner .
And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,
cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said,
" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,
knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."
Touching the still life coming back , wanting to be , my sensory serenity tricked , of what if ,
road not taken , taken and true seed spread in the soilwork , continuity of ,
the knowing , that , the tide will freeze and light will cease to speak,
To get rid of this disease , antidote floating in the grey seas..
but 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.
Singled out beautifully by , the so called unheard prophecy , my sensory serenity smiles gullibly ,
believed into following , the false ecstasy of fallacy , comfortably in vertigo.
Theme for the Picture , never called out by object , dark blinding light , no flash-no shadow ,
reverse engineered in flowing skill , climbing up on , my,
'there' , sensory serenity , going down the up staircase. .
And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,
cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said,
" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,
knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."
P.S : the Term " Sensory Serenity " taken from the song Themata by Karnivool.The line somehow stuck and i just had to fit it in.Do listen to it. Beautiful song. Cheers !
Embalmed in cold smiles , willing to spark , to take a walk and pass the hours ,
But 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.
Strong grey post knockers , misinformed protestors marching , into the sensory serenity ,
Goaded by the false prick , into temporary harmers , causing disaster, etched forever , if ,
shores of the boundaries , in 'there' drift in purple , now be the disciple , so humble ,
But there is 'the' master , inside the disaster , called out the little inner.
And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,
Cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said ,
" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,
knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."
Help conveniently , to , darkening the bleak deliverance , so told and believed , with borrowed colours ,
For tears of freedom , that could be , my sensory serenity falls , in daily chores of divine heresy,
But 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.
Hold the depths of frozen winds , blowing inside , suitably modified ,my sensory serenity ,
Has the black night as it smiles gaily , defying inner notion , so calm and desultory .
Taking in the voiceover , flat contours and hills , of the labyrinth built unkowingly , so serenely being discreet ,
In beautiful rivers of Pristine waters , look , mismatched is the sustaining laguhter, in the remote corner .
And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,
cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said,
" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,
knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."
Touching the still life coming back , wanting to be , my sensory serenity tricked , of what if ,
road not taken , taken and true seed spread in the soilwork , continuity of ,
the knowing , that , the tide will freeze and light will cease to speak,
To get rid of this disease , antidote floating in the grey seas..
but 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.
Singled out beautifully by , the so called unheard prophecy , my sensory serenity smiles gullibly ,
believed into following , the false ecstasy of fallacy , comfortably in vertigo.
Theme for the Picture , never called out by object , dark blinding light , no flash-no shadow ,
reverse engineered in flowing skill , climbing up on , my,
'there' , sensory serenity , going down the up staircase. .
And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,
cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said,
" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,
knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."
P.S : the Term " Sensory Serenity " taken from the song Themata by Karnivool.The line somehow stuck and i just had to fit it in.Do listen to it. Beautiful song. Cheers !
down in a hole...
down in a hole , feeling so small....
Layne Staley's voice echoes in my head , and i feel mortal , surrounded by everything mortal and whatever.its bad , there is no one here in this place whom i can go and talk to at any time , about any FUCKING THING , ANYTHING AT ALL MAN.anything at all. i am FUCKING alone here , confined to my new BEAUTIFUL self , living my new childhood all alone :) , finding myself , but i really wish i had other children to play with . i know that i am happy being alone , allowing all the pristine thoughts through , but sometimes i need someone to talk to ; sit and talk to , when i want to or whenever they want to , maybe it is a bit demanding but its ok man ; someone to just jump out from behind a bush and scare the living daylights out of me , and the likes.i guess that is being mortal , and i like the feeling of being vulnerable , makes me want to go to stronger , as stronger is a place .and i want to just walk up to anyone and start talking ;the catch , i know this place and they know me , in their own ways.they don't know me , how i know myself now , not how i knew myself before.i need an outlet , so i smoke and listen to music and practice , whatever little bit and it gives me a positive vibe a reason to move on , and i am happy. i don't care about the health aspects , at least i don't feel lonely when i am high , and when i am all musical( otherwise too , nowadays music flows like time ), i have my own versions of ," tweety tweety tweety " expressed in various forms.but i still wonder , how is it that , i somehow always manage to end up alone , everywhere i go , the past-perfect included , contrary to common perception , even though i know a lot of people and i am a people person.i think i know the reason to that. ah well , i hate it but i am all alone , lonely and sitting in my room , confined within these walls , and this sound of silence is like 100 watt amplifiers ringing in my head and after even being switched off the buzzing remains , shaking everything inside and i cant fucking see clearly.but i can handle that , if from a any corner i hear , a caressing whisper from someone saying , " hello :) im here and there " , and i would give anything , life being secondary now.i know this feeling of solitude and loneliness will come to pass like everything , but right now i cant balance my mortal skate , damn. so i force a smile , suck it all up and say bitterly to myself , in a very ironic flavour tinged with hope , " view life in a new perspective every-time man. "
Layne Staley's voice echoes in my head , and i feel mortal , surrounded by everything mortal and whatever.its bad , there is no one here in this place whom i can go and talk to at any time , about any FUCKING THING , ANYTHING AT ALL MAN.anything at all. i am FUCKING alone here , confined to my new BEAUTIFUL self , living my new childhood all alone :) , finding myself , but i really wish i had other children to play with . i know that i am happy being alone , allowing all the pristine thoughts through , but sometimes i need someone to talk to ; sit and talk to , when i want to or whenever they want to , maybe it is a bit demanding but its ok man ; someone to just jump out from behind a bush and scare the living daylights out of me , and the likes.i guess that is being mortal , and i like the feeling of being vulnerable , makes me want to go to stronger , as stronger is a place .and i want to just walk up to anyone and start talking ;the catch , i know this place and they know me , in their own ways.they don't know me , how i know myself now , not how i knew myself before.i need an outlet , so i smoke and listen to music and practice , whatever little bit and it gives me a positive vibe a reason to move on , and i am happy. i don't care about the health aspects , at least i don't feel lonely when i am high , and when i am all musical( otherwise too , nowadays music flows like time ), i have my own versions of ," tweety tweety tweety " expressed in various forms.but i still wonder , how is it that , i somehow always manage to end up alone , everywhere i go , the past-perfect included , contrary to common perception , even though i know a lot of people and i am a people person.i think i know the reason to that. ah well , i hate it but i am all alone , lonely and sitting in my room , confined within these walls , and this sound of silence is like 100 watt amplifiers ringing in my head and after even being switched off the buzzing remains , shaking everything inside and i cant fucking see clearly.but i can handle that , if from a any corner i hear , a caressing whisper from someone saying , " hello :) im here and there " , and i would give anything , life being secondary now.i know this feeling of solitude and loneliness will come to pass like everything , but right now i cant balance my mortal skate , damn. so i force a smile , suck it all up and say bitterly to myself , in a very ironic flavour tinged with hope , " view life in a new perspective every-time man. "
Thursday, March 24, 2011
coughing up.....
I have a cough and cold , and i spat out litres of phlegm , yellow ochre in colour with touches of red like a finishing touch to some new potion being , ingeniously concocted inside with my permission ; too much smoke into my lungs , i guess.but nevermind , i ll try and reduce slowly :) . my handkerchief is filled with , yeh you guessed it :D . and my head feels heavy , my insomnia at its pristine best.but the music is always there man.whatever it is , the music just wont stop , nor can i stop thinking about it. A friend of mine covered For Mom by Buckethead , especiallly for me and i was like , tweety tweety tweety. so much feel in the song , what do i say. Buckethead is a Woman from inside , like me. Yes its true , it shows in his music and if i ever meet him , i will tell him this , and he will tweet back to me in affirmative and say , " dam ! where were you all this time ? " .So much for that. :)
anyways , there is a test tomorrow and i as usual , cant get myself to study .this is one thing i just cant get myself to do.study.fucking study.i know i can understand evrything in that damn textbook if i make an effort to sit and study , but no, i wont do it . ask me why . i ask myself why and i am still an escapist , when it comes to studies , everything else is fine with me now. but i will not relent and i will try studying . the cover of for mom , makes me so happy , that language will falter in such seas , if i try and explain. so i let it be. i have come to realize the people whom you get the vibe from , hold on to them man.dont let it go.
ok bye now.my coffee is getting cold.
anyways , there is a test tomorrow and i as usual , cant get myself to study .this is one thing i just cant get myself to do.study.fucking study.i know i can understand evrything in that damn textbook if i make an effort to sit and study , but no, i wont do it . ask me why . i ask myself why and i am still an escapist , when it comes to studies , everything else is fine with me now. but i will not relent and i will try studying . the cover of for mom , makes me so happy , that language will falter in such seas , if i try and explain. so i let it be. i have come to realize the people whom you get the vibe from , hold on to them man.dont let it go.
ok bye now.my coffee is getting cold.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
i just want to write..
I feel like writing.just writing and writing , to what end or beginning , i dont know. as i sit here , and look at this keyboard , the 26 alphabets of the english language , arranged haphazardly , {they call it the 'qwerty' effect;)} i dont know what to write about.but i do know that i am disturbed since yesterday.a few things gone wrong here and there , inspite of me doing all i could and having the purest intentions in mind and connecting the dots and vibes , but them connections ,played out a different ball game altogether , courtesy - 'The Mind's of The Others'.
But its ok , and i say to myself - ' Tweety Tweety Tweety ' , DO WHAT THOU WILT , never cross the line of your instinctive impulsiveness or madness , but follow it , it is essential for what you have to do.Long time , slow move - in short the , perspective of the saying-" slow and steady wins the race " is not as simple as it sounds.being slow doesnt mean just moving at a pace which your mind tells you to , rather slow here means taking the right step at the right time ,following your madness ,to the right measure.i have done this and i have felt that sensation of doing right or following yourself.ihave faltered ,badly,at times ,when i let my mind get in the way. i guess , that is why i am disturbed.i let my mind get in the way.but it is so hard to sustain , walking on the lines and still be mortal and in full control of the vibes around you.if you overdo it , it is physically harming.take my example . i overthink and over-well,err,everything , but its reduced now , and as a result , i cannot sleep.the maximum i can sleep is 2 hours or an hour ata stretch .then i wake up and the twisting and turning and the random thoughts of the connections keep playing in my head.this is wrong.it has affected me physically , my weight has dropped since the past two months , i cant eat properly , sometimes i do :) , and i am an insomniac .But i know , since this is just the infant stage of my sweet journey of living with myself , i will be fine.if i am not , i Fucked up.
i feel much better now , outlet is essential , in any form.that is why we , shit and pee :P . nevermind , Tweet Tweety Tweety :).
But its ok , and i say to myself - ' Tweety Tweety Tweety ' , DO WHAT THOU WILT , never cross the line of your instinctive impulsiveness or madness , but follow it , it is essential for what you have to do.Long time , slow move - in short the , perspective of the saying-" slow and steady wins the race " is not as simple as it sounds.being slow doesnt mean just moving at a pace which your mind tells you to , rather slow here means taking the right step at the right time ,following your madness ,to the right measure.i have done this and i have felt that sensation of doing right or following yourself.ihave faltered ,badly,at times ,when i let my mind get in the way. i guess , that is why i am disturbed.i let my mind get in the way.but it is so hard to sustain , walking on the lines and still be mortal and in full control of the vibes around you.if you overdo it , it is physically harming.take my example . i overthink and over-well,err,everything , but its reduced now , and as a result , i cannot sleep.the maximum i can sleep is 2 hours or an hour ata stretch .then i wake up and the twisting and turning and the random thoughts of the connections keep playing in my head.this is wrong.it has affected me physically , my weight has dropped since the past two months , i cant eat properly , sometimes i do :) , and i am an insomniac .But i know , since this is just the infant stage of my sweet journey of living with myself , i will be fine.if i am not , i Fucked up.
i feel much better now , outlet is essential , in any form.that is why we , shit and pee :P . nevermind , Tweet Tweety Tweety :).
Monday, March 21, 2011
What i Made ....
Towering up , Through what I can See and Visualize , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Rising through , Depths of deepest trenches and caves , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Oh! How can I see , What I built for me , by me ,
When thy vision , blinded by apathy incessantly.
Oh! How can I feel , What i touch , built for me , by me ,
When thy refuses , the touch from inside I.
Growing up , the ages all - instants , time-flies incessantly , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Expanding through , space-volume , domains look , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Oh! How can i grow old , when transient is eternity , in I ,
And i refuse to accept the divinity of my humanity.
Oh! How can i quantify , the (w)hole of I , when domains expand ,
in ethereal bliss ,
And I Shrink enlighteningly.
Standing tall , through any diversion growing in bounty , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , i built for me , by me .
Balancing the mortal skate , through terrain abnormalia in history , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , i built for me ,by me.
Oh! How can I grow , quantify , see , feel ,
What thy built , for me , by me , when thy vision is unseeen within I.
Oh! How can I grow , quantify , see , feel ,
What thy built , for me , by me so inherent , in geometric conformity..
Then , realizing the lines that draw around , and circle overhead , in the heathen ,
the whisper from the pillars , grounded through soil , speak -
" Only I can hold 'my' Time .
Only I can hold 'my' Space.
Only I can hold 'my' Me.
Only I can hold 'my' I.
Only I can hold 'my' Light. "...................
Looking around inside-outside 'a' placidly ,
Finding the light , liberation and universe ,
Outlet deserved and fear dissolved , To let Everyone else , Be.
P.S : The part of a line which reads as " the divinity of my humanity " inspired or rather, flat out, ripped off the song LATERALUS by TOOL.It fit in perfectly with what i felt , and had in mind , and added to the flow of the poem :).One of the most brilliant pieces of modern music ever written , the lyrics are just like woah !!!.please go , read and listen to it. TOOL FOREVER. Cheers !
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Rising through , Depths of deepest trenches and caves , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Oh! How can I see , What I built for me , by me ,
When thy vision , blinded by apathy incessantly.
Oh! How can I feel , What i touch , built for me , by me ,
When thy refuses , the touch from inside I.
Growing up , the ages all - instants , time-flies incessantly , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Expanding through , space-volume , domains look , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .
Oh! How can i grow old , when transient is eternity , in I ,
And i refuse to accept the divinity of my humanity.
Oh! How can i quantify , the (w)hole of I , when domains expand ,
in ethereal bliss ,
And I Shrink enlighteningly.
Standing tall , through any diversion growing in bounty , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , i built for me , by me .
Balancing the mortal skate , through terrain abnormalia in history , and beyond ,
Lie those pillars , i built for me ,by me.
Oh! How can I grow , quantify , see , feel ,
What thy built , for me , by me , when thy vision is unseeen within I.
Oh! How can I grow , quantify , see , feel ,
What thy built , for me , by me so inherent , in geometric conformity..
Then , realizing the lines that draw around , and circle overhead , in the heathen ,
the whisper from the pillars , grounded through soil , speak -
" Only I can hold 'my' Time .
Only I can hold 'my' Space.
Only I can hold 'my' Me.
Only I can hold 'my' I.
Only I can hold 'my' Light. "...................
Looking around inside-outside 'a' placidly ,
Finding the light , liberation and universe ,
Outlet deserved and fear dissolved , To let Everyone else , Be.
P.S : The part of a line which reads as " the divinity of my humanity " inspired or rather, flat out, ripped off the song LATERALUS by TOOL.It fit in perfectly with what i felt , and had in mind , and added to the flow of the poem :).One of the most brilliant pieces of modern music ever written , the lyrics are just like woah !!!.please go , read and listen to it. TOOL FOREVER. Cheers !
Friday, March 18, 2011
Standing Still....
Standing still , looking above , the sky stares back,
Stars they flicker through light, it amazes thy eyes,
Its a sad thing though , they might already be dead.
Standing still , looking at the river flow , it continues undisturbed,
My reflection , in the water , not moving , moon and sun's courtesy,
Its a sad thing , the ripples created ,source unknown, will erase them.
Standing still , looking at the earth , still gaze , offered my eyes,
My footprints, embedded in the soil , beautiful pattern ,
Its a sad thing , the winds of change , will erase them to nothingness.
Standing still , looking at the fire , it flares back naturally,
Burns my skin , something beneath it , pain is a metaphor underneath,
Its a sad thing , the ashes of time , will burn it out , due course.
Standing Still , just waiting and biding , time it calls , in its voice,
Wrinkles they twist and grow , marks of age and truth , same end point ,
Its a sad Thing , everything tangible and intangible , is temporary .
Standing Still , looking inside , true story in the diary ,
begins - denial , pain , agony , frustration...then slowly ,
acceptance and the theme for this story ,
smile , you know the reason for the temporary , a journey.
Stars they flicker through light, it amazes thy eyes,
Its a sad thing though , they might already be dead.
Standing still , looking at the river flow , it continues undisturbed,
My reflection , in the water , not moving , moon and sun's courtesy,
Its a sad thing , the ripples created ,source unknown, will erase them.
Standing still , looking at the earth , still gaze , offered my eyes,
My footprints, embedded in the soil , beautiful pattern ,
Its a sad thing , the winds of change , will erase them to nothingness.
Standing still , looking at the fire , it flares back naturally,
Burns my skin , something beneath it , pain is a metaphor underneath,
Its a sad thing , the ashes of time , will burn it out , due course.
Standing Still , just waiting and biding , time it calls , in its voice,
Wrinkles they twist and grow , marks of age and truth , same end point ,
Its a sad Thing , everything tangible and intangible , is temporary .
Standing Still , looking inside , true story in the diary ,
begins - denial , pain , agony , frustration...then slowly ,
acceptance and the theme for this story ,
smile , you know the reason for the temporary , a journey.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
New Leaf.
A new leaf.A new perspective.A new perception to everything moving and not moving around , to everything that can be seen and not.This how i have changed in the past few months.Yes , the green leaves had their role to play in it , showing both sides of the coin which i always thought was biased , blame thy mind.it always did show both the faces ,but i was blinded by the negativity which was so imprinted throughout, forcefully in me , by me. :).
Anyways , 'change' is beauiful and the incense of time , i have come to realize.How i have changed within a span of 20 days , i dont know.Its like a miracle.My entire outlook towards life , the universe and whatever has changed , courtesy the combination of health and mental trauma of my excessive " green leafing " :D and my stay at home , where i could sit down and actually think. i know i am putting 'green leaf' in a bad state but , it was my fault , my body incapable of handling excess of them and the 'pot' we smoked was , basically a combination of various forms of green coloured excreta and leaves and grass and whatever mixed with horse tranquillizers. I believe since , Marijuana or Cannabis is a part of nature , it has two sides to it and , you the beholder have the power to choose. anyways , chill !!!
So like i was saying , compared to my previous self - which was a third-person prisoner of mind ,since the time i could count + escapist from anything new plus loads of other blah ; the current me is a good example of 'change'.Yes , I reek of positive vibes and can see the reason and place for everything in my own little way , still coming back to my old self sometimes ,but thats mortal of course :) , & connecting the dots , the patterns and the vibes from everything around ,is much more simpler and beautiful , like child's play.Yes , i feel like a child at 21 years of age , exploring everything , i have already seen before , finding my own answers to things i know and be satisfied with my new ones.That is something and it gives me a temporary elevation defying gravity. :D In short - tweety,tweety,tweety.
My Philosophy - This entire , realm ,universe , whatever is an illusion and we are the dream man.So just follow the dots and do what thou wilt.I have come to realize that.The connections played by the others,wrongly sometimes , following the mind , will get in your way but relenting is only a thought to be wiped.So i believe, i have to take that step ,which is right , defying my sensory upheaval of inertia , so accustomed to sitting there , and just do it , keep going , oh! i can use so man y adjectives here , man !!!!
anyways, live your illusion the way your child is aaaaand child is the father of man , haha , inner child. :)
Cheers !!!
P.S : The Universe is inside-outside you.Vice-Versa. and this post should have been made around the last week of December , 2010.But Time Flies.
Anyways , 'change' is beauiful and the incense of time , i have come to realize.How i have changed within a span of 20 days , i dont know.Its like a miracle.My entire outlook towards life , the universe and whatever has changed , courtesy the combination of health and mental trauma of my excessive " green leafing " :D and my stay at home , where i could sit down and actually think. i know i am putting 'green leaf' in a bad state but , it was my fault , my body incapable of handling excess of them and the 'pot' we smoked was , basically a combination of various forms of green coloured excreta and leaves and grass and whatever mixed with horse tranquillizers. I believe since , Marijuana or Cannabis is a part of nature , it has two sides to it and , you the beholder have the power to choose. anyways , chill !!!
So like i was saying , compared to my previous self - which was a third-person prisoner of mind ,since the time i could count + escapist from anything new plus loads of other blah ; the current me is a good example of 'change'.Yes , I reek of positive vibes and can see the reason and place for everything in my own little way , still coming back to my old self sometimes ,but thats mortal of course :) , & connecting the dots , the patterns and the vibes from everything around ,is much more simpler and beautiful , like child's play.Yes , i feel like a child at 21 years of age , exploring everything , i have already seen before , finding my own answers to things i know and be satisfied with my new ones.That is something and it gives me a temporary elevation defying gravity. :D In short - tweety,tweety,tweety.
My Philosophy - This entire , realm ,universe , whatever is an illusion and we are the dream man.So just follow the dots and do what thou wilt.I have come to realize that.The connections played by the others,wrongly sometimes , following the mind , will get in your way but relenting is only a thought to be wiped.So i believe, i have to take that step ,which is right , defying my sensory upheaval of inertia , so accustomed to sitting there , and just do it , keep going , oh! i can use so man y adjectives here , man !!!!
anyways, live your illusion the way your child is aaaaand child is the father of man , haha , inner child. :)
Cheers !!!
P.S : The Universe is inside-outside you.Vice-Versa. and this post should have been made around the last week of December , 2010.But Time Flies.
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