Thursday, March 31, 2011

nananana...

i am all happy , in here , outside my zone , unfucked by everything.ahh ! what a feeling it is ;consciousness is a curse , which binds you strongly to the ground like the roots of a tree.and so is its accompanying realization. " Tweety Tweety Tweety " . Life still is beautiful , living with the consciousness ,but letting time and space in there , is the right thing to do. staying outside the zone , to taste the cream is , err , un-tweetyish.so i ll try and stay in the zone , hope the greenery doesnt get a grip over my gray zones.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Titled as untitled disgrace...

Thought-streak marks 'there' , intangible delights of my sensory serenity , glowing in the dark ,

Embalmed in cold smiles , willing to spark , to take a walk and pass the hours ,

But 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.



Strong grey post knockers , misinformed protestors marching , into the sensory serenity ,

Goaded by the false prick , into temporary harmers , causing disaster, etched forever , if ,

shores of the boundaries , in 'there' drift in purple , now be the disciple , so humble ,

But there is 'the' master , inside the disaster , called out the little inner.



And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,

Cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said ,

" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,

knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."



Help conveniently , to , darkening the bleak deliverance , so told and believed , with borrowed colours ,

For tears of freedom , that could be , my sensory serenity falls , in daily chores of divine heresy,

But 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.



Hold the depths of frozen winds , blowing inside , suitably modified ,my sensory serenity ,

Has the black night as it smiles gaily , defying inner notion , so calm and desultory .

Taking in the voiceover , flat contours and hills , of the labyrinth built unkowingly , so serenely being discreet ,

In beautiful rivers of Pristine waters , look , mismatched is the sustaining laguhter, in the remote corner .



And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,

cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said,

" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,

knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."



Touching the still life coming back , wanting to be , my sensory serenity tricked , of what if ,

road not taken , taken and true seed spread in the soilwork , continuity of ,

the knowing , that , the tide will freeze and light will cease to speak,

To get rid of this disease , antidote floating in the grey seas..

but 'they' told me , its just another star , dying in its own class.



Singled out beautifully by , the so called unheard prophecy , my sensory serenity smiles gullibly ,

believed into following , the false ecstasy of fallacy , comfortably in vertigo.

Theme for the Picture , never called out by object , dark blinding light , no flash-no shadow ,

reverse engineered in flowing skill , climbing up on , my,

'there' , sensory serenity , going down the up staircase. .





And the water never too warm , to sustain , my aquatic quarter , my other remote corner ,

cut out of natural nature , now inner folklore said,

" - you believer , you drowner for pseudo charmer ,

knowing all the while , still a soul farmer."





P.S : the Term " Sensory Serenity " taken from the song Themata by Karnivool.The line somehow stuck and i just had to fit it in.Do listen to it. Beautiful song. Cheers !

down in a hole...

down in a hole , feeling so small....
Layne Staley's voice echoes in my head , and i feel mortal , surrounded by everything mortal and whatever.its bad , there is no one here in this place whom i can go and talk to at any time , about any FUCKING THING , ANYTHING AT ALL MAN.anything at all. i am FUCKING alone here , confined to my new BEAUTIFUL self , living my new childhood all alone :) , finding myself , but i really wish i had other children to play with . i know that i am happy being alone , allowing all the pristine thoughts through , but sometimes i need someone to talk to ; sit and talk to , when i want to or whenever they want to , maybe it is a bit demanding but its ok man ; someone to just jump out from behind a bush and scare the living daylights out of me , and the likes.i guess that is being mortal , and i like the feeling of being vulnerable , makes me want to go to stronger , as stronger is a place .and i want to just walk up to anyone and start talking ;the catch , i know this place and they know me , in their own ways.they don't know me , how i know myself now , not how i knew myself before.i need an outlet , so i smoke and listen to music and practice , whatever little bit and it gives me a positive vibe a reason to move on , and i am happy. i don't care about the health aspects , at least i don't feel lonely when i am high , and when i am all musical( otherwise too , nowadays music flows like time ), i have my own versions of ," tweety tweety tweety " expressed in various forms.but i still wonder , how is it that , i somehow always manage to end up alone , everywhere i go , the past-perfect included , contrary to common perception , even though i know a lot of people and i am a people person.i think i know the reason to that. ah well , i hate it but i am all alone , lonely and sitting in my room , confined within these walls , and this sound of silence is like 100 watt amplifiers ringing in my head and after even being switched off the buzzing remains , shaking everything inside and i cant fucking see clearly.but i can handle that , if from a any corner i hear , a caressing whisper from someone saying , " hello :) im here and there " , and i would give anything , life being secondary now.i know this feeling of solitude and loneliness will come to pass like everything , but right now i cant balance my mortal skate , damn. so i force a smile , suck it all up and say bitterly to myself , in a very ironic flavour tinged with hope , " view life in a new perspective every-time man. "

Thursday, March 24, 2011

coughing up.....

I have a cough and cold , and i spat out litres of phlegm , yellow ochre in colour with touches of red like a finishing touch to some new potion being , ingeniously concocted inside with my permission ; too much smoke into my lungs , i guess.but nevermind , i ll try and reduce slowly :) . my handkerchief is filled with , yeh you guessed it :D . and my head feels heavy , my insomnia at its pristine best.but the music is always there man.whatever it is , the music just wont stop , nor can i stop thinking about it. A friend of mine covered For Mom by Buckethead , especiallly for me and i was like , tweety tweety tweety. so much feel in the song , what do i say. Buckethead is a Woman from inside , like me. Yes its true , it shows in his music and if i ever meet him , i will tell him this , and he will tweet back to me in affirmative and say , " dam ! where were you all this time ? " .So much for that. :)

anyways , there is a test tomorrow and i as usual , cant get myself to study .this is one thing i just cant get myself to do.study.fucking study.i know i can understand evrything in that damn textbook if i make an effort to sit and study , but no, i wont do it . ask me why . i ask myself why and i am still an escapist , when it comes to studies , everything else is fine with me now. but i will not relent and i will try studying . the cover of for mom , makes me so happy , that language will falter in such seas , if i try and explain. so i let it be. i have come to realize the people whom you get the vibe from , hold on to them man.dont let it go.

ok bye now.my coffee is getting cold.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

i just want to write..

I feel like writing.just writing and writing , to what end or beginning , i dont know. as i sit here , and look at this keyboard , the 26 alphabets of the english language , arranged haphazardly , {they call it the 'qwerty' effect;)} i dont know what to write about.but i do know that i am disturbed since yesterday.a few things gone wrong here and there , inspite of me doing all i could and having the purest intentions in mind and connecting the dots and vibes , but them connections ,played out a different ball game altogether , courtesy - 'The Mind's of The Others'.

But its ok , and i say to myself - ' Tweety Tweety Tweety ' , DO WHAT THOU WILT , never cross the line of your instinctive impulsiveness or madness , but follow it , it is essential for what you have to do.Long time , slow move - in short the , perspective of the saying-" slow and steady wins the race " is not as simple as it sounds.being slow doesnt mean just moving at a pace which your mind tells you to , rather slow here means taking the right step at the right time ,following your madness ,to the right measure.i have done this and i have felt that sensation of doing right or following yourself.ihave faltered ,badly,at times ,when i let my mind get in the way. i guess , that is why i am disturbed.i let my mind get in the way.but it is so hard to sustain , walking on the lines and still be mortal and in full control of the vibes around you.if you overdo it , it is physically harming.take my example . i overthink and over-well,err,everything , but its reduced now , and as a result , i cannot sleep.the maximum i can sleep is 2 hours or an hour ata stretch .then i wake up and the twisting and turning and the random thoughts of the connections keep playing in my head.this is wrong.it has affected me physically , my weight has dropped since the past two months , i cant eat properly , sometimes i do :) , and i am an insomniac .But i know , since this is just the infant stage of my sweet journey of living with myself , i will be fine.if i am not , i Fucked up.

i feel much better now , outlet is essential , in any form.that is why we , shit and pee :P . nevermind , Tweet Tweety Tweety :).

Monday, March 21, 2011

What i Made ....

Towering up , Through what I can See and Visualize , and beyond ,

Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .

Rising through , Depths of deepest trenches and caves , and beyond ,

Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .



Oh! How can I see , What I built for me , by me ,

When thy vision , blinded by apathy incessantly.



Oh! How can I feel , What i touch , built for me , by me ,

When thy refuses , the touch from inside I.



Growing up , the ages all - instants , time-flies incessantly , and beyond ,

Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .

Expanding through , space-volume , domains look , and beyond ,

Lie those pillars , I made , for me , by me .



Oh! How can i grow old , when transient is eternity , in I ,

And i refuse to accept the divinity of my humanity.



Oh! How can i quantify , the (w)hole of I , when domains expand ,

in ethereal bliss ,

And I Shrink enlighteningly.


Standing tall , through any diversion growing in bounty , and beyond ,

Lie those pillars , i built for me , by me .

Balancing the mortal skate , through terrain abnormalia in history , and beyond ,

Lie those pillars , i built for me ,by me.





Oh! How can I grow , quantify , see , feel ,

What thy built , for me , by me , when thy vision is unseeen within I.



Oh! How can I grow , quantify , see , feel ,

What thy built , for me , by me so inherent , in geometric conformity..


Then , realizing the lines that draw around , and circle overhead , in the heathen ,

the whisper from the pillars , grounded through soil , speak -


" Only I can hold 'my' Time .

Only I can hold 'my' Space.

Only I can hold 'my' Me.

Only I can hold 'my' I.

Only I can hold 'my' Light. "...................




Looking around inside-outside 'a' placidly ,

Finding the light , liberation and universe ,

Outlet deserved and fear dissolved , To let Everyone else , Be.


P.S : The part of a line which reads as " the divinity of my humanity " inspired or rather, flat out, ripped off the song LATERALUS by TOOL.It fit in perfectly with what i felt , and had in mind , and added to the flow of the poem :).One of the most brilliant pieces of modern music ever written , the lyrics are just like woah !!!.please go , read and listen to it. TOOL FOREVER. Cheers !

Friday, March 18, 2011

Standing Still....

Standing still , looking above , the sky stares back,

Stars they flicker through light, it amazes thy eyes,

Its a sad thing though , they might already be dead.



Standing still , looking at the river flow , it continues undisturbed,

My reflection , in the water , not moving , moon and sun's courtesy,

Its a sad thing , the ripples created ,source unknown, will erase them.



Standing still , looking at the earth , still gaze , offered my eyes,

My footprints, embedded in the soil , beautiful pattern ,

Its a sad thing , the winds of change , will erase them to nothingness.



Standing still , looking at the fire , it flares back naturally,

Burns my skin , something beneath it , pain is a metaphor underneath,

Its a sad thing , the ashes of time , will burn it out , due course.



Standing Still , just waiting and biding , time it calls , in its voice,

Wrinkles they twist and grow , marks of age and truth , same end point ,

Its a sad Thing , everything tangible and intangible , is temporary .



Standing Still , looking inside , true story in the diary ,

begins - denial , pain , agony , frustration...then slowly ,

acceptance and the theme for this story ,

smile , you know the reason for the temporary , a journey.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

New Leaf.

A new leaf.A new perspective.A new perception to everything moving and not moving around , to everything that can be seen and not.This how i have changed in the past few months.Yes , the green leaves had their role to play in it , showing both sides of the coin which i always thought was biased , blame thy mind.it always did show both the faces ,but i was blinded by the negativity which was so imprinted throughout, forcefully in me , by me. :).

Anyways , 'change' is beauiful and the incense of time , i have come to realize.How i have changed within a span of 20 days , i dont know.Its like a miracle.My entire outlook towards life , the universe and whatever has changed , courtesy the combination of health and mental trauma of my excessive " green leafing " :D and my stay at home , where i could sit down and actually think. i know i am putting 'green leaf' in a bad state but , it was my fault , my body incapable of handling excess of them and the 'pot' we smoked was , basically a combination of various forms of green coloured excreta and leaves and grass and whatever mixed with horse tranquillizers. I believe since , Marijuana or Cannabis is a part of nature , it has two sides to it and , you the beholder have the power to choose. anyways , chill !!!

So like i was saying , compared to my previous self - which was a third-person prisoner of mind ,since the time i could count + escapist from anything new plus loads of other blah ; the current me is a good example of 'change'.Yes , I reek of positive vibes and can see the reason and place for everything in my own little way , still coming back to my old self sometimes ,but thats mortal of course :) , & connecting the dots , the patterns and the vibes from everything around ,is much more simpler and beautiful , like child's play.Yes , i feel like a child at 21 years of age , exploring everything , i have already seen before , finding my own answers to things i know and be satisfied with my new ones.That is something and it gives me a temporary elevation defying gravity. :D In short - tweety,tweety,tweety.

My Philosophy - This entire , realm ,universe , whatever is an illusion and we are the dream man.So just follow the dots and do what thou wilt.I have come to realize that.The connections played by the others,wrongly sometimes , following the mind , will get in your way but relenting is only a thought to be wiped.So i believe, i have to take that step ,which is right , defying my sensory upheaval of inertia , so accustomed to sitting there , and just do it , keep going , oh! i can use so man y adjectives here , man !!!!

anyways, live your illusion the way your child is aaaaand child is the father of man , haha , inner child. :)

Cheers !!!

P.S : The Universe is inside-outside you.Vice-Versa. and this post should have been made around the last week of December , 2010.But Time Flies.